to touch you non stop
to lose myself in you
fill myself up with you
one to one side by side heart to heart head to head eye to eye
hope to hope
nervous systems intertwining
seeking to merge
to obscure the beginning of one thing the end of another
to blur the lines where i start and you stop
to touch … forever
right now someone somewhere is dying
alone
if I can’t hold on
to someone
I too will let go
when tomorrow’s plans get trashed
smash routine
overturn the status quo
throw clocks out the window
and caution to the wind
set the collective id free
to ravage and ransack in the streets
tomorrow has been raped and left for dead
there is only now
once victims of circumstance
we are become vengeful warriors
atavistic mutants new primitives
future man
incapable of processing compassion or caution
shoving tender thoughts aside
we zero in on the thing we want
fear has released us from care
we are predators at one only with the hunt
hardened hearts beat louder
jungle drums signaling danger
fair warning to all
war parties on the prowl
we speak with action
a primitive language with no word for pity
or mercy
we sacrifice our savage innocence in tribal fire
to appease gods made of
weathered wood
and broken stone
our prayer is simple
grant us plentiful prey
outside the storm beats down on my roof
the city wails frantically by my window
inside i am curled up with sarah vaughn body and soul
the sounds from the radio a sonic embrace
beyond my door a full life beckons
rich with the promise of love and laughter and happiness
it is a mirage shimmering upon slick city streets a concrete fantasy
reproof positive of myriad personal failings
the gentle rain like mild criticism washes over me easily
none of it really matters it’s just another jazz sundown
in the notions born of motion
collisions
subatomic reactions writ large
big print even the slowest can read
narrowing peripheral vision = time lapse x telemetry minus trajectory
chain reaction attraction pulls and pushes repelling us
down the steep slopes of the changing contours our movements describe
glancing blows and permanent attachments
like shit
happen in the coming and going
we are busy we have to be
clumsy unless we take care
our means are limited each according to his own
on a boat or in the drink
the currents sweep us higher and lower
toer and froer
storms calm torrents and ripples
sooner or later we drink them all
navigation while not pointless is planning
lost between latitudes
amid the fragments of chaos and collapse
you can hear god laughing
A rare rainy Friday and fasting is required
the prescriptions and proscriptions I turn to
leave me weaker than before
the cures that ail me.
Can’t catch a breath
the deep one I need eludes me
the comforts I crave allure me.
Soft percussive patter on the roof keeps the tempo easy
in its rhythm molecules dance with my lungs
my blood is nourished by the sea of air that sustains us
the hydrogen the oxygen coming together falling apart
their motion feeding a fire at the center of everything.
A failure of vision accounts for the state I’m in
uneasy lies the crown less looms large inaction in action
only by being still can I move on.
Yet I start at every lucid thought
each appears in a burst of clarity
crepuscular eyes lulled by twilight shadows squint
a temporary blindness a regressive reflex
hobbles agility leaves me lame.
Jack be nimble!
Or be the inevitable thing you create with fear
the demons you summon from your ignorance
snapping at your heels always one step ahead
waiting in a future you invented
to overwhelm mediocrity and devour reticence.
The damage done by others
the self-inflicted wounds
they take their toll.
You hobble on
eventually you will stop
realizing the road never ends
the destination was always wherever you find yourself
the trip was the purpose.
Disapproving dead daughters of the American evolution
shake their heads with mild disdain
disarmed by my presumption.
Close enough to touch faded Hollywood royalty
I rudely extend my hand
and am ensnared within their ghostly opprobrium
a smothering shroud of fluid ectoplasm
a sticky wet net to catch the unwary.
Unworthy of the glory they’ve appropriated for themselves
how dare I display such confidence!
Soon endless gauzy mornings and days unnumbered
settle like dust and detritus to incubate the hungry night
cloaking the haunted mansions they once commanded
and which I was allowed to visit.
Now I return again and again though only in dreams
come to know – perhaps to worship –
the matriarchs of my (un)making.
my only confrontation
a united affront
a collective cold shoulder
echoes of a liar’s tale
whispered in the dark
dancer stumbling
through a hall of mirrors
making love to his reflection
GET REAL. KILL A FANTASY.
crazy from the ions
keeps me jumping
it’s no problem if you just keep moving
like platinum lightning
flashing across the clear night sky
seeking understanding through sharing
i try
i keep trying
it seems i don’t know what else to do
exercising options sometimes isn’t an option
you deserve whatever you can manage
and if by rote you do not derail yourself
you get what you want
now and then
this is how i roll
taking what i think i deserve
conflicts me
torn but unbroken
this undesirable heart beats on
Full moon in Scorpio go with the flow is the only way to go
Swaying enthralled succumbed to the tidal force within
The pull pushes me toward the wrong direction
Wrong!? Other direction don’t you mean?
Wave goodbye to judgment and certitude
The point is movement the direction is moot
Just get there wherever there is whatever you know?
It’s all random anyways what’s the use of anything everything sucks right?
Not for everybody sure some got it great fine for them let’s hear it
Things are different here stuff happens it can hurt you can get killed
Stay on your toes be prepared you’re a Boy Scout in a strange wilderness
Just remember if you break out of jail you don’t know what’s over the wall
Your prison may be the only place you’re safe at home
When they take off the chains you have to take care of yourself
OK, OK, I’m part of the problem already
Put down that stone and hear me out
inspiration
purification
justification
it’s all word salad
yea i get that relax don’t rush it
you can’t explain yourself to anyone
you cannot make them understand you
so add another ingredient to the salad:
frustration…
…begets desire trumps judgment every time
certainly undercuts execution
when you believe in the magic but doubt the magicians
your way is the true way
you get a scrape on your knee
a blister on your dick
a gleam in your eye
you get gaps between the statements voids in the vicinity
nothing
between the end of one thing the beginning of another
in the thick elastic time sloshing between two points
attention wanders you lose interest lose energy
meander away wary and a little fearful…
…what might happen if a connection is made?
walking away ain’t easy either
slog your way through incoherent concepts floating like debris through viscous
ether
fills the gaps between the synapses like glue between two pages
it’s all gibberish in the jungle anyway
i might as well pound logs against tree trunks to get my point across
an ape would understand
the touch of your eyes
your smiling heart
the glow of laughter and lust that warms us
taking each other as we come
accepting what we are
accommodating what we aren’t
fitting the pieces together
puzzling out our love
every day is an answer
everyone has their own vision
every perception its own reality
every paradise is different
Can’t speak with signs in the dark
only with silent embraces
and the rough murmurs of midnight lovers
under moonlight shadows.
Beneath a leafy canopy
flecked with starry staring eyes
that look the other way
the bright and piercing gaze
of an occasional passerby
promises quiet passion
within indifferent gentle arms.
Naked at the call of nature
wet white teeth flash starlight
revealed by a smile of urgency
then quickly disappear again
within the darker closing of unquestioned need.
Above and below
limbs stir hesitantly
tentative caresses grow strong and hard
slow strength giving quick pain
that does not last but reassures.
What is needed is taken.
What is offered is not lost
but shared only once.
Silver clouds slide along
the black sky’s soft underbelly
drifting where the earth blows them.
Another night
they will return
new shapes with ancient purpose
and willingly lose themselves
to the thirsty fertile land
where midnight lovers wander
and love grows wild.
all the things you do
buzzing in your head
dizzy from the motion
of mindless momentum
and thoughtless action
with no intelligence to fuel them
they tap directly into muscle
to energize this crazed existence
all these doomed quests
to discover happiness
and other lost treasure
these forgotten legends spring up
from a bottomless well
that feeds the fountain of youthful folly
fantasy is a poor life plan
but living’s no good without it
the higher you go
the further away you are
from your center
every breath you take
takes you
closer to the heart
of your matter
so much living
so little life
the strife
leaves you stricken
and exhausted
you’re surrounded by the cure
in the cool afterglow of something
the past reasserts itself
present imperfect
that was then
this is how :
one step at a time falling
in the instant between upright and downwrong
fleeting clarity
like a mystic’s vision
flashes
then dissolves
a memory remains
hazy images of pain and release
birth and suffering
from the tribal baptism I emerge
boundless spirit
it’s a small world wide web after all
anyone meets everyone meets here
sooner or later lesser or greater
we show ourselves for what we are
we are what we need
behind our screens we hide and seek
satisfaction at the speed of light
slipping round the world 88 times per second
wide network narrow signal
the further I can reach the more I can have
the farther I go the more I miss
IMPULSE IS DESIRE AT THE SPEED OF HUNGER.
in the wide wide world of 8 billion minus one
is there 1-4-me?
Throughout the realm
from sea to shining we
a buzzing in the ears
sound waves on the brain.
Frequencies and vibrations emanating migrating
dancing in the storm between our eyes
to the rhythm of the pulse beating drums in our chests.
WE MUST ANSWER.
WE MUST MOVE.
WE MUST SHAKE LIKE MONKEYS ON A STICK.
We are citizens clothed in general issue bodies
consciousness encased within flesh and blood mechanisms
designed to sustain support and enshroud us.
We are trapped within ourselves.
We are prisoners of the CBP (The Cosmic Body Politic).
We answer to the authorities
conform to generally accepted requirements
comport ourselves as good citizens of the UPRG
(The United People’s Republic of the Godhead).
WE SUCCUMB TO GET BY.
SOMETIMES WE CRY.
SOMETIMES WE DIE.
SOMETIMES WE LIE.
If they say they’re telling you the truth they’re deluded
or worse lethally motivated armed with an agenda.
AI (Artificial Intelligence) or NBI (Natural Born Instinct)
it all comes to the same thing in The UPRG.
And the thing of it is it’s never what you thought it would be.
And if it were it would be an illusion.
Because there is no truth and no man may know the truth.
That is simply the way of things in The UPRG.
open up and let me in
i’ll be good
let me hold your heart
i won’t drop it
let me feel it beating against my palms
i’ll be careful
how do i get to your head?
can i go in?
i won’t make a mess
i just want to see
i want to look through your eyes
can i open up your mind?
i want to know how it works
i’d like to watch you think
i won’t interfere with the gears
i just want to observe the wheels spinning around
where do you keep your soul?
is it near here?
i can sense it
it’s part of you
but it’s not any particular piece
i can feel it
it’s warm and cool
it’s light that i cannot quite see
it seems to come and go
yet it doesn’t move
can i touch it?
may i talk to it?
could i have a piece for a keepsake?
yoyo man ticktocking back n forth between optimism and despair cynicism and faith
i believe in the power of redemption but i feel lost and unredeemable
life ain’t so bad considering we live in an abattoir
things could be worse and they always are
i cry equally at the sight of a rainbow or a lynching
and even though i’m white i can traffic in strange fruit as a metaphor
no one owns lynching after all 6 million Jews died in the holocaust
along with 4 million assorted random undesirables
your gays your gypsies your Slavs and your politically contaminated
we’ve all felt the lash we’ve all wielded whips
and still we love one another and hate one another slay and sacrifice ourselves
for one another
everything we do for and to ourselves everything we cherish and disdain is
what we accomplish together
we are a society of schizophrenic saints and lucid sinners all doing the best we can
under circumstance we create in order to lose control
boo!
guess who?
it’s always you
keeping up the good work and fulfilling other random clichés
pop concepts of lifestyle emulation through cohesive socialization
keeping up with the jonesing
the constant craving for more and greater versions of ourselves
there are a thousand cracks the arachnids can creep through
there’s no plugging the dike
the flood always comes to cleanse a planet made of dirt
let’s discuss my state of mind let’s talk shall we
about everything but the truth and the lie that it will let you be
the truth will be what the truth will be or so the saying goes
truth is the truth will out you for your own good
like it or not the truth is coming for you
first be brave channel your inner Mars
transform war into peace aggression into good intentions
reject bitter angels and immaculate jewel encrusted saints
they are only reflections of your lonely self
stop kneeling before gods stand up on your own two feet
lift up thine eyes brandish a fist at heaven
then open your hands and receive the gift of knowing
i awake to hazy images and fading impressions
a swirling canvas of insubstantial dream stuff
running together breaking apart
fragments colliding in a blur
bits and pieces of
feelings and love
sex and anxiety
warmth and family
friends and changes
strangers and laughter
at once alien and familiar
the past anticipated
a remembrance of things to come
all swirling and churning dimly past awareness
drifting just beyond comprehension
a forgotten dream is a lost opportunity
Buzzed amid the lightening and thunder
the pelting plops of fat summer rain unconstrained
after years germinating in the dry reservoir of recent natural history.
I keep no company save myself
a garrulous hermit ascetic bon vivant a man about a town without pity
eager to sing the praises of anyone offering hope.
It’s a giving thing wells up when the fractured heavens let loose an ocean
washes away faint white lines etched in the dry dust of my face
a kabuki mask with painted tears traced upon a crying clown’s pancake makeup.
Like Ebenezer Scrooge on the day after
I have passed through Christmas Eve’s dark night of the soul
perhaps deserving some measure of redemption.
It’s a gift to myself
this morning this joy may fade like the dying storm
for now I am content mindful any gift from another is rare treasure.
Absolve all thoughts of pastense negative.
There is only today and tomorrow, what is and what may be.
What has been has been and can no longer be.
It is known for what it is.
It is devoid of possibility.
Its only reality is it is no longer real.
NOW must be attended as it becomes.
IF must be respected for what it may be.
TODAY is the split second of creation unfolding.
TOMORROW is the promise of everything.
I hear the elegant gibberish
I understand it
the language of the well meaning and the inept
I embrace them all give comfort where I can.
In our failing we have embraced each other
we have suffered together
known the joy of shared sorrow
a rare kind of understanding
more – a miraculous mutual redemption.
Flailing messiahs and crippled angels
lame avatars and crying prophets
the sinners and the sin
after the fall we crawl
seeking sanctuary on the vast lonely plane.
And though the roof of our celestial chapel may leak
we bow our heads acquiesce with grace
our unkissed lips form beatific smiles
long lost we are at last enlightened
our crying chant a heavenly hymn
a very human homily.
Say adios to the Wild Boys
to jungle dreams
to hot pagan rituals and savage innocence
rare and mythical orchid afternoons
lying together in moss carpeted tree huts
drowsing to rainforest rhythms
spinning legendary tales of love and loyalty
fantastic adventures of the Wild Boys!
Wild Boys of the Troposphere,
exotic creatures hunt and mate with primitive grace
smart monkeys effortlessly coupling
never question what they need
up here in the canopy
urgent breath sure tongues skilled teeth
pinned sweating scratching fighting
yielding.
Rough love in the New World
the fittest surviving amid green ice age cathedrals
jungle paradise where God is strength
and sacrifices are demanded
to appease the Great Majestic
the never-ending cycle of harmony and chaos.
I will never say goodbye until I die!
I’m a presenter not an inventor refute this at your personal peril
A boy shooting arrows into a horse cites they shoot horses don’t they? without knowing what it means a movie a book something just cool sounding words
I don’t make this stuff up you cannot surpass reality I just refer to it
It’s a resource of ideas and inspiration and a clear demonstration of utter futility and despair and – and I mean this truly – it’s all good
So don’t tell me everything is or isn’t terrible when I show you the news
I’m talking to you I get it you don’t have to listen just don’t make me the stimulus for your reflex
The truth is an irritant itching into your flesh cancer is a pearl the body cannot lie
That’s all I’m saying stop spreading the word speak the truth refuse to brood
I’m lighting a candle it’s a small light with no heat but you can read this note by it
To whom it may concern if you won’t give me what I want I’ll take what I need
and by degrees of mutual consent we will sink slowly into the morass
and into the joy of this world
At these depths I decline to collude dilute or contaminate the simple truth you cannot deny a thunderstorm just because it obscures the sun
I am no prophet nor do I think I’m right
I offer only the cold embrace of understanding
sunday afternoon my thoughts turn to you
the arms of a stranger cold comfort on a warm afternoon
i try harder to give what i need so at least someone is happy
living life on the plan b plan keeps you on your toes
jack stays nimble a dodger a weaver of intricate webs
all of my hostility is defensive my anger sorrow
the no shows and the heart breakers i’ve had and been
regret is just another byproduct of an active lifestyle
you know you’re alive if it hurts you can laugh at anything
even the joy you’ve fumbled doing pratfalls along the way
i cut a remarkable figure both elegant and absurd
a hot memory for the one in ten i embraced
the legacy of the lonely is a poignant song we’ve shared in passing
and so i raise my voice in harmony with myself
still hoping someone else knows the words
in the warm winter’s day painted with blue smoke and amber sun
half remembered dreams reduce my waking faculties by fifty percent
i’ve done all the right things yet i am depleted
my capacity to be disturbed is boundless
i’m sleek my belly is empty i’m running on caffeine alcohol tobacco
i should be all systems go
but the beast rears my ugly head
it will not be tamed yet it can be controlled
sincerity afraid to show its head afraid it will be lopped off by irony
again
which is why we keep growing new ones
everyone’s a hydra
dancing to charm and make them want to understand
i should just be clear with you
but it’s hard to be honest
playing the fool to please playing the clown so they’ll like you
some don’t some won’t
at repose within the heart and soul of myself
i’m afraid i’m no fun to be around
i’m trying to be deliberate i’m trying to have integrity i’m trying to honor this thing
this process
it’s a beautiful day i am content I know what happiness can be
i know the love ungiven will exact its toll in tears
I can give advice
open your eyes open your heart
give it up it’s good for you
hard to completely let go
surrender yourself to your self
not easy to be casual
need to stop holding on to stuff
that has a hold on you
enjoy the finer things
just remember they aren’t the main thing
old habits and hard deaths
the bedrock of your worst impulses
the strata of your false foundation
subduction of the soul
as you submerge and envelop yourself
seeking the white hot core
your inner iron man
standing tall at ten thousand degrees fahrenheit
no air to breathe
idols implode inside the fiery furnace of a true heart
the last tough muscle to resist incineration
as this life goes up in
smoke
the ether you drink to quench a neverending thirst
a permanent part of the earth that sustains you
resisting compulsion expands available time
expanding time creates voids we fill them with living knowledge
each moment a miracle this gift of life that keeps on giving
all you get is everything it has to offer
take it or leave it
every day could be the last day every time you turn on the tv play the ipod
eat the steak love your partner or fuck a stranger could be the last time
sooner or later everything must go
the lies we tell only obscure the truth from ourselves
all will be known
sooner or later
the cozy corners will be brought to light
the comforts you crave to ease your pain will be denied
find yourself in a heaven or a hell of your own making
you spent a lifetime designing and constructing it
the places you inhabit become the house you must live in
sooner or later
now and then
it all came to this
no capital e
purposely provocative
blatant and blasphemous
waiting for lightening to strike
every subsequent breath affirms my rebellion
i am lucifer i am judas i am the joker
i swim against the tide
i flaunt convention
i embrace anarchy
purely for the sake of analytical discovery
call it the science of faith the method of my righteous cause
the scarlet cardinal pounces on its prey
which does not rise again
jesus too was devoured by this world
we the consumed salute him
even as we keep the faith in other ways
every day we sing the ballad of scum rising
the upward oozing mobility headlong race of the race
to extend its fleshy limits through conjugal equations worked out in blood
oh glorious DNA chorus
the prime will pumped for all its worth
inevitable flesh
the wish of the will
born and sacrificed
in the name of knowing
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