Trying Not To Remember

Posted: February 18, 2018 in Uncategorized

Lost in thought
letting brain have its way with me
heart let’s its guard down mind genuflects

an army of facts and figures
and reasons and examples
and people and spaces
and certain times now and then
and explanations and ideas
and memories of good times and sad

overrunning consciousness…

I am a blank
time evaporates upon waking from this trance
I breathe deeply calm myself try not to remember.

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Somehow Somewhat the Better

Posted: February 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

I have a vivid imagination I can see myself feeling in spectacular ways
envision lurid scenarios of angst and melodrama
somehow I never see myself as a hero
overcoming odds smashing obstacles saving the vulnerable
I identify as the villain of the piece.

But I could never bring myself to do real harm
I’m a failure as a menace which makes me a fool
the hapless juggler balanced between crime and heroics
I juggle good and evil laughing and crying without cease
if I take a breath and clear my head I might speak truth to power.

I will be showered with neither gratitude nor praise
a fool who fails to amuse has no place at court
retired consigned banished to my private chambers
I am left to compose philosophical treatises on the comedy of life
still laughing still crying still breathing and somehow somewhat better for it.

Personal History

Posted: February 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

We’re no longer friends with benefits
we are friends with history
and though the things they said about you were true
for me that wasn’t you.

The lessons I learned were not what you intended
who we are comes through pushes words aside
leaves us with what is actual not satisfactual.

I held you in my arms now I hold memories
the bitter and the sweet they both taste of you
wherever we go we bring the past with us
it was crowded in that bistro at our table for two.

Nothing Is Everything

Posted: February 14, 2018 in Uncategorized

The sky opens before me
solar radiation sears shut my eyes
brings clarity to my veiled vision
no longer blinkered by earth’s narrow spectrum
I see beyond the ornamental rainbow
into deepest darkness of space beyond
I see that in nothing there is everything.

Proof of Life

Posted: February 11, 2018 in Uncategorized

To be alive to sound off
because you feel the rain and your tears are hot
spasms of laughter wring you out
leave you limp a most pleasant purge.

The body is a palimpsest
personal history written again and again upon your skin
old hurts ghostly script lambent just beneath the surface
like a blushing corpse in shallow water.

Some spirit reanimates us
perched in a tree watching the sunset eating a banana
the body wants to remember the mind to forget
the pain is proof of life.

Uncertain Gait

Posted: February 9, 2018 in Uncategorized

I ruminate and reflect upon received wisdom
what is right and what is good.
The story I have told myself makes me sad
I think about how it was and how it wasn’t
and how I want it to be now.

I am no longer a prisoner of my memory
I’m unshackled from my past.
The leg irons have left me a little lame
but I am upright and I can walk
even with uncertain gait.

round peg square hole

Posted: February 7, 2018 in Uncategorized

aging well won’t take no for an answer
blinded by the sight of whatever we thought we saw
wouldn’t take know for an answer either

a built-in resistance to accepting the truth
a way to obfuscate and stay confused
when the truth is not to your liking

we find ways to avoid understanding
we perpetuate our state
round peg square hole

you’ve been puzzled like this before
patterns on the board becoming clearer
you’ve already made these moves