Experience Discourages Valor

Posted: October 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

I hate how I tainted you with my anxiety
my jittery lack of confidence a contagion
it takes courage to be strong
experience discourages valor.

Not even the gods willingly risked flames
tell myself I believe in tomorrow
hope and mercy fire and brimstone
I teeter in the balance I do not tweet.

I am no canary and this is no coal mine
compression of my carbon-based atoms
produces a heat-blasted heart of diamond
becomes its own source of light.

If I am thrown by what I then see
I may weaken and I may stumble
if I get back up I will stand taller
I will hold you without trembling.

Tale Told

Posted: October 11, 2018 in Uncategorized

Mine is a sad saga not a horror story perhaps a terrible poem
like all true fiction it deals with ugly reality good and evil
not black and white but the vast gray realm in between,

blood-stained earth from which dark legacies grow
poison vines with pretty flowers.
In the primeval forests from which we sprang

we first tasted the flesh of animals.
We cultivated fruits of the land
planted crops and stacked stones to great heights,

fell to our knees beneath long shadows of high obelisks.
We still inhabit these places huddled tightly together
telling each other stories of our past lives,

how there was wine and song sadness and suffering too.
What I beheld in the king’s crimson court of last resort
it was given me to tell.

Let Me Sleep on It

Posted: October 4, 2018 in Uncategorized

I dreamed I saw myself
clearly for the first time
…reflected in your eyes.

I objectified myself in an unconscious realm
…translucent shroud thrown over consciousness
seeing in dreams how we see ourselves clearly.

Reason on recess when I wake
you beside me touching me
…gravity and time have changed my form.

Your touch exposes my embarrassment
aging vanity sulking in the corner
…always nearby never satisfied.

When you see me as I once saw myself
my desire to become a better person
seems questionable…let me sleep on it.

The Lost Language of Love

Posted: October 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

This is not a poem this lyrical essay
for a song you supply the music in your head
it’s the only way I can speak to you the only way I know
though once I tried to act it out for you
pantomime my emotions dramatize my truth.

I became characters assumed different roles
sang and danced juggled on a high wire
dying to entertain you I could see I was losing you
lost you the moment I placed you in the audience
you wanted passion I gave you a performance.

I spoke from the page but not the heart
my script became unreadable
the proscenium crumbled beneath me
on my back on the broken boards
I craned my neck to see if you were watching.

Only glimpsed your silhouetted form
fading through a door marked exit
left with no lines to recite
and no one to hear them
I rose to write again in the lost language of love.

Phantom Lover

Posted: September 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

His features were soft and formless
he was permeable
it was easy to pour love into him.
The closer you came to him
the more formless his features appeared.

There was a gravitational pull of the heart
love seeming a natural and irresistible reaction.
My face resting on a frown
could not help but smile
my arms hanging at my side as if weighted

could but rise in embrace.
He was open and easy
and that made him seem stranger.
I felt I had known him my entire life.
He subsumed my cares in laughter

he eased my fears
simply being in the room near me.
I wanted to remain there with him
but day was summoning
like a call to arms

and my eyes slowly opening.
Sleep was ending.
With regret and a sense of loss
I knew it was time to rise
up again into myself.

I Opt Out

Posted: September 20, 2018 in Uncategorized

Reformatted for our protection?
Just show us your content uncensored
we will sit on our fat asses remote in hand
pushing buttons passing judgment.

Lean into next door dot com doing for communities
what social media has done for friends and family
discussion can become fractious
I opt out it’s a knack.

Deftly balancing ignorance and apathy
trick is to appear guileless and untroubled
bliss is the best revenge
if handled correctly consequences are unilateral.

Self-harm for the sake of selflessness
if I am here now I cannot be there then
in the spaces I no longer inhabit
I find freedom when I unplug and exit.

Need for Laughter

Posted: September 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

Is it manic
this need for laughter?
It’s how I understand
we are honestly together
in the same place

at the same time.
It’s the closest to oneness
we ever seem to come
barring physical intimacy
which is not always called for

or desirable
often inappropriate.
I look into your eyes
I can see no laughter.

If I cannot see laughter
I feel hopelessness
It is to laugh

or else we cry.
When we laugh
we laugh together.
When we cry
we cry alone.