Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Hephaestus Hobbled

Posted: July 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

I am a Vulcan by temperament
my home planet long lost
I am hobbled by its destruction.

A tragedy from birth my steps are halting
headway is slow but my way is steady
the distance narrowed only with great effort.

Certain feats are beyond me
yet odds are overcome
my gait is unimpressive.

No one records my progress
no one sings my praises I am unfabled
legends like eagles soar beyond my reach.

Mine is an old story told in a knowing glance
a rueful grimace a half smile
regret telegraphed in the set of my jaw.

Recognition elicits discomfort
none seek to emulate my form
though all must walk this path.

Sentimental to A Fault

Posted: July 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

All the ones I’ve loved and failed to love
the ones I’ve hurt the ones I’ve let down
the ones I’ve left behind –
I am so heartily sorry.

Unloved child
unlovable adult –
teaching the children well.

I made my way no need for tears
did what I had to my way just like a cliché
it sure seemed real to me then –
those who clear a path walk it.

The habits we inculcate become character
in solitude there is no need for explanation –
soon enough you slip out unnoticed.

I would have stayed but few asked
and some who did remained behind in other rooms
where mirrors showed things the other way around –
it appeared someone was always walking out either way.

Jack of Hearts

Posted: July 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

He deploys deception strategically
a purely defensive measure
knows truth is an Achilles heel.

Place your heart in the hands of others
find out fast how cruel or careless they are.

Different motives same result
pain like an arrow in my chest
avert your gaze stop hurting me!

Jack of Hearts was here all along
hiding behind the Joker.

I Have Regrets

Posted: July 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

I have regrets but I no longer entertain them
still they come knocking at the door begging for attention.

The greatest gift of all basic mammal empathy
how I know you without thinking about it.

A boy shields his eyes from the light of the rising sun
who taught him to do that?

We learn as we go picking up pain along the way
the longer you hold it the deeper the scar.

I have set these things aside they have no hold on me
nor can I regret the harm love has caused.

A Good Boy

Posted: July 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

I’m drawn to complicated women
perhaps because my mother was crazy
incestuous implications
a fast track to rejection.

You don’t need to say no bro
you only need to lie low
you know what you’re feeling is right
no doubt you should run.

Run right into flames
a martyr to maternal malevolence
breaking patterns breaking hearts
it’s for the good of everyone
above all my mental health needed saving.

I loved you not well but thoroughly
thoughtfully I could not let you go
lies strewn around me like a garland of roses
I didn’t mind the thorns
I wore them as a crown for your amusement.

If I’m lucky they will pierce my brain
prod me to remember how I got here
no wonder so many call out for their mothers
when they are dying.

Perhaps she appears wreathed in shining light
an angel of mercy sent to relieve your suffering at long last
with spectral mother’s milk to kindly cloud clarity.

A false miracle to help you favor fantasy over fact
before you remember to turn out the light
a good boy always says goodnight.

Black and White World

Posted: July 5, 2018 in Uncategorized

Duty call booty call we go where we want to be needed
our message is like a bullet through thick gray fog
we shed no tears keep our powder dry.

In the sky above a wounded eagle rolls over in flight
we pledge allegiance to how we want things to be
our banners cast shadows over those who do not stand.

Clarity of vision pierces sentiment easy to do what is hard
we seize the present moment to steal the future
passion has no patience for dissent in a black and white world.

Absent the Smile

Posted: July 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

Take care watch yourself
mind where you step.

A greeting a warning not a parting shot
absent the smile I mean you only good.

               Most harm I generated was self-inflicted
               not to say I didn’t do my share of damage.

The serious minded are no fun to be around
I miss my popularity.

There is no criticism in my quiet
no censure in my silence.

               My failure to share calm was a source of disruption
               I was dancing in the eye of my own hurricane.

If I could hold back the clouds
I would allow the sun to pour down upon your head.

Stratagem

Posted: June 29, 2018 in Uncategorized

I never bought your professed ignorance
a dodge to retain control through criticism
and both macro- and micro-management
an unbecoming two-fisted approach

if I may say.

Such a stratagem demands the last word
so always you shield yourself with mirrors
you can bear no scrutiny
come at me look at yourself

now what have you got to say?

Doesn’t
mean
I’m
wrong.

Karmic Epiphany

Posted: June 27, 2018 in Uncategorized

I had a karmic epiphany
I was overwhelmed with love and understanding.

I loved you not for what you tried to do but for your failings
no need for forgiveness.

Lovers friends parents all too human all caught in a web
silken silver ties that bind us within an unbroken circle.

I was given consideration and I suffered collateral injury
there was no harm intended and the damage done is history.

Stop Remembering

Posted: June 24, 2018 in Uncategorized

All roads lead back to the past
flocking to an uninspiring savior
drawn most to the thing that most frightens.

No more will than a moth spiraling into the light
memory is a lure we’re all Kafka trapped in a roach motel
stuck to our own regrets and ruminations.

It’s all in our heads so we lop them off
a temporary fix death being a long-term investment
still every exit leads someplace.

Anyway no place is just someplace else
so there you are dead probably not loving it
trying to figure out where you went so wrong.

Funny how things turn out but only god is laughing
it’s enough to drive the righteous to extremes
curses flung by mortals rain back down upon our heads.

It’s the universe cracking our skulls with gravity
trying to rub some enlightenment into tough meat
headaches are nature’s way of telling you to stop remembering.

Half-Truths

Posted: June 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

I don’t owe anyone anything
including the truth.

You made your life impenetrable to me
I was prudent and reckless by turn.

Warm heart cold shoulder
tough balancing act.

Every half-truth
part of a bigger picture.

Truth is the end of itself
and may reveal nothing.

I may not tell you everything
but that tells you something.

Leave Me Be

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

Leave me be i’ll get there or I won’t
like some kind of sexy beast
lithely limning the motions.

Stop being my hell
other people can’t live with them
we bring out the killer in each other.

But mostly we hug
the choice to hug or to kill
a path taken six billion times a day.

We think this an enviable record
having become indifferent to love and suffering
living life in the neutral zone.

Plato’s ideal great for the mind
but i cannot abide the pain
otherwise i’d do more.

Leave me be
the way
i am.

Nothing To Fear

Posted: June 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

Feet up head back six decades on let it come
one part exhaustion one part resignation a dash of resistance
when the vehicle breaks down get out and walk.

Or maybe you need a wheelchair to roll
another man invented it maybe it’s the best you’ve got
on your last leg crutches work too.

Until finally you stop walking altogether anyway
look down at your feet look up at the sky cry or laugh
if you’re still angry you may curse God demand explanations.

It’ll get you nowhere fast about as far as a dying echo fading
and if you are still suffering you can be resentful
and if the pain isn’t too bad you can be thankful,

remembering how once
you thought
there was nothing to fear.

Am I Dreaming?

Posted: June 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

When you’re hard on yourself
you become harder on others
the art of listening
being key to seduction.

Every time I need you
you’re not there
I could not make myself
happy alone.

No life of the mind
without putting your heart into it
I’m only content when I know
I can get what I want.

I dreamed up these rewards
to keep myself from waking
these pleasant trances
sustain me…

…a blueprint for the architecture
of this lustrous illusion
such intelligent design
proves I only think

…I am dreaming.

Truth and Dust

Posted: June 8, 2018 in Uncategorized

She’s always seeking new answers to old questions – she seeks afar.
Categorized and cataloged neatly on her shelves
the answers are at hand concealed beneath a shroud of dust
close to home much closer than she knows as close as a heart to a mind
the precise distance a line traced by tears descended to the border of her smile.

Her face is a treasure map
lovingly etched with careworn creases her latitude and longitude
clues to an uncharted realm where her archive is buried deep.
If we keep digging we may unearth her truth.
Four hands on one shovel make slow work or fast.

Reality Check

Posted: June 5, 2018 in Uncategorized

Better a late reality check than never
this need to need people
only a heel would reveal Achilles’ weakness
but truth is a cold bath indeed
no shrinkage of the soul for those coming clean.

No patience for those too self-absorbed to take a hint
I’ve taken my share
I cannot get through to you
I spelled it out for you ten thousand times
‘nuff said lesson learned.

Still I fill every blank space with words
I think they matter
no point in talking
speech won’t serve
words are not my friend.

Judas Was a Fall Guy

Posted: May 30, 2018 in Uncategorized

I no longer think I’m a good person
I’ve caused no real harm
but nor have I done any lasting good.

There’s nothing you could point to
nothing wrong that I don’t already know
I have analyzed myself exhaustively.

Self-awareness by way of self-involvement
the narcissists path to mindfulness
Jesus was a good guy Judas was a fall guy.

Mohammed ascended into malicious myth
Yahweh went thataway
Buddha said nothing.

I am a monkey man jabbering to myself
in the end at least I was relatively harmless
it could have been so much worse.

Depths of Delusion

Posted: May 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

We live within the depths of a delusion
keep it simple stupid I’m embarrassed
all those unguarded moments.

Nothing so vulnerable as a trusting heart
might as well take a knife to it yourself
saves time in the long run simpler really.

But that’s no way out
even precise language artfully deployed
gets you only so far.

If it helps you understand
you’re that much worse off.

Every time you show yourself
you’re taking a chance
every time you come up for air.

Friend or foe you don’t know
could be birds of prey hovering up there.

You can try for truth or spin the illusion
a little faster.

You may churn up something authentic
or just make a bigger splash
before you sink.

No One Embraces a Phantom

Posted: May 26, 2018 in Uncategorized

This is the life I wanted this is the life I worked for
I have pleasures at hand friends on the wire.

I keep good company give as good as I get
here and there try to shine a light.

The lantern glass frost-rimed and dimmed
cracks when cleaved by occasional lightening.

So bright even I can see through scaly eyes
surely others share this same sight.

But I am only a shadow in the glow I cast
and no one embraces a phantom.

Deliver the Truth

Posted: May 22, 2018 in Uncategorized

It is hard for me to deliver truth easily
I tend to turn up the volume hammer it home.

The heart of it is defensive
I lack the grace that confidence bestows.

I try to emulate others whose natural ease I admire
absorb the essence of their elegance.

Another considered shell layered onto my carapace
the camouflage is for protection.

The downside is no one can see me
and who hears the word of a ghost?

Doing No Harm

Posted: May 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

Is doing no harm good enough
not being evil is setting the bar low
I thank you for not telling me lies
I deeply appreciate not being murdered.

I do but can’t you muster a little empathy
is a bit of understanding too much to ask
between good versus bad balance seems preferable
tilt at that windmill or lance the side of a saint.

But tilt one way or the other
neutrality is a hazard zone
prone to entropy and decadence
this is an argument against peace.

Undermine tranquility set forces in motion
the adept’s way cannot be disequilibrium
everything else is driving me crazy
I am doing no harm I am doing enough.

          You vexed me with your unreason
          your lack of clarity your confusion and disquiet
          if we can be silent with one another for five minutes
          we may have a chance.

Half Right

Posted: May 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

You refashion coincidence as destiny
see signs and portents I see hum and drum
what chance does fact have under your rainbow?

You present me with a homemade miracle
and I must explain myself
is this a contest for control?

If I stand strong will you try to tear me down
must I respond in kind
my sorrow is knowing I am half right.

 

The Wonder of the Tale

Posted: May 16, 2018 in Uncategorized

I test the veracity of my own personal myths to see if they hold water
stories I spin from memory songs I’ve sung along the way
pretty poems I left in seat pockets of jet planes.

Despite the truth I reveal my story remains a mystery
I have hazy recollection of its beginning
the episodes I relate are replete with gaps
rips in my narrative holes in my heart.

I am all ears when it comes to alternate versions
new plot devices I can deploy for happy endings
my heartbeat thumping like wet leaves falling.

The pages pile up a pulpy water-logged tome
I enumerate the volumes catalog them chronologically
more truth in fiction than in facts that’s for sure
there’s the wisdom in this work the wonder of the tale.

Love In Reverse

Posted: May 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

Hate is love in reverse
no passing cordialities can unseat such tightly held faith
such pious rectitude and loving condemnation.

I see it in your eyes how I am lost I won’t deny it
our paths crossed in a twinkling triggering spontaneous opportunity
I won’t deny failing to forgive learn ignore and implore.

But I am steadfast I am moored in time
lost to this moment rushing past like whispering wind or a glancing kiss
true love is a storm that impels billowing sails bound for the North Star.

Headlong my vessel plunges over the edge of the known world
somewhere in the roiling white mist-riled maelstrom below
we grab hold to one another or we are swept forever beyond reach.

The Buddha Broke My Heart

Posted: May 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

Events convince me people are nothing but patterns
we are the fabric of our existence
actor and act we are the pieces and we are the puzzle.

The Buddha broke my heart
I ignored the sign: Abandon comfort all ye who enter here
made myself uncomfortable and unlovable.

Forget the individual I could focus only on the totality
only a conspiracy of fate can explain the hits I’ve taken
have I done so much harm that I should be harmed thus?

Perhaps we come to need most what we most deny others
I’ll take the blame I earned it fair and squared
you can’t argue with the calculus of a reckoning.

Still Life Quickened

Posted: May 12, 2018 in Uncategorized

SO: Conventional attitudes around mammalian aesthetics
our physiology informs our impressions
opinions come to us by way of all flesh.

We must make these things make sense
it’s how we know pornography when we see it
and why certain combinations of colors make us weep.

Some sound discordant notes like an alarm at midnight
the pictures we paint with jagged lines
depict a new landscape a still life quickened.

THEN: Our formulae falling off the page
scrambled letters and symbols confound optic nerves
in a sweat we riot an aesthetic panic attack.

An extreme reaction to micro-muscular contraction
writhing nervous systems rewiring themselves
the circuit breakers broken.

Bones smashed
limp bodies in the street concrete proof cubism is clarity
thus the senses are not to be trusted.

 

No Thinking Required

Posted: May 7, 2018 in Uncategorized

I have always lost myself in excess a delicious pool of liquid velvet
a violet vortex tugging me playfully in every direction
except the one I was set on.

The lure of sweet oblivion the airless quiet
how you slip away let go the details tune out the static
the way you coast effortlessly no thinking required.

Voice of reason hushed decisions dampened care discouraged
so easy to get lost so hard finding your way back
the tension generates heat enough to forge a double-edged blade.

Nothing else will do
for the tightened knots are tangled and endlessly complex
like Alexander I must rouse myself to cleave doubt boldly.

Tired of overcompensating for caution’s sake
he became reckless possibly to prove something to himself.

Ran blindly into razor wire fell down bled out tried to limp away
stripped bare daring the sun to scald.

When men came with clubs and guns he stood naked before them
and already cured like leather he toughed it out.

He felt brave but mostly lucky and when he was old he became afraid
that courage had cost him.

He paid in full for the wisdom of experience
fought the idea that heaven is the answer to our fury.

If there is truth in madness what hope is there in sanity
only the reckless heart can answer.

The World Intrudes

Posted: May 1, 2018 in Uncategorized

State of mind afraid of a thought
not a resistance to competence
when you think things through
it comes around to you
now whatcha gonna do
wherever you turn something is required
consequences unintended and otherwise ensue.

The problem with tranquility is it sets you apart
peace and quiet equals isolation and solitude
and everything is fine until the world intrudes
disasters major and minor crashing on your doorstep
open up accept what comes
close down resistance is futile
let it in keep it out breathing in breathing out.

Balancing on a seesaw
from this tottering precarious perch
the world quakes constantly
no vistas remain uninhabited
see something say something
see something do something
or continue to believe nothing is required.

Things Could Be Worse

Posted: April 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

I have lived too long to be doing what I am doing
should have had enough no more be wiser.

Here I come around the bend again
arms full of empty promises.

I recognize and inhabit the spaces between our togetherness
I understand the power of transcendence but I am too fat to fly.

Peter Pan walks with a cane remembering dreams in treetops
bowing over neat rows of tidy houses with shiny red roofs.

In repose I suppose things could be worse
it’s up to me if I find my way home again.

But that place seemed so small from the sky
and I have tumbled to earth too many times.

Control Loves Confusion

Posted: April 26, 2018 in Uncategorized

She always admonished us to tell the truth but she always lied
she lied by commission she lied by omission
she prevaricated wavered obscured distorted
she perjured herself in every possible way.

The lies were her defense they protected her
comforted and secure under her blanket of mendacity
things tended more often than not to go her way
while we were lost hurrying in directions away from truth.

She learned one thing for certain
control loves confusion
but there is no safety in suppression no peace without submission
a vulnerable heart though broken may be strong enough to resist.

My Heart Is a Thorn Tree

Posted: April 22, 2018 in Uncategorized

My heart is a thorn tree I set it on fire
find only cold shoulders to cry on
I’m a great guy I see your point of view
I’m all civilized and witty about it
I have a philosophical disposition
so I appreciate the irony too.

But something in the basement is sad hurt and angry
something thrives in the deep dark taproots gripping tight
the family tree perennially budding blood red resentments
our minds abloom with new generations of old thoughts
yet some limbs bend away from shade reach for sunlight
knowing truth and reason make cold bedmates.

Lend Me Your Ears

Posted: April 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

A technology gulf is opening between us I feel you falling through
we only think as fast as the medium we employ
the form of our expression informs the message we send
yeah yeah I know Marshall McLuhan got there first.

That’s not my point not my message the medium is not our master
we adapt speak our minds by whatever means we have at hand
when hamstrung vocal chords garble my voice and flesh fails me
I require tools to work my way past your defenses.

Lend me your ears give me your attention
I know your heart and mind will follow if only I make myself clear
clarity being a prerequisite of truth pure and simple
if I cannot be clear I cannot speak with honesty.

I keep my truth bound with taut nerve fiber wrapped in cured muscle
I imprison it within my jerky heart though it is not my intent
to be a warden not a poet my meaning reduced to a plea
take these keys unlock this cell free us both to say what we mean.

Life of the Mind

Posted: April 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

I cannot extinguish the life of the mind
review reflect recall all the ways I went wrong
wonder why.

It’s a stream become a river
I have plied these waters before
high tide and low drifting in the shallows.

I remember you
how we thought about ourselves
we thought we were a good idea.

Knowing what I know now
I would not change course
in my mind I see clearly how we strayed.

The Broken Remain Dependent

Posted: April 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

Stop judging stop expecting stop letting things get to you
the phone rings you walk away wounded
poisoned posts poised in your inbox
words on a screen that wreck your world
only lethal if you take them in.

As long as I need your understanding I am exposed
my expectations ensure denial
you were not who I think you are
if you are who you think you are
you cannot be who I need you to be.

Need ensures noncompliance
if I depend on my ideas of what you are
they will crumble and I will fall
the broken remain dependent
until they realize how it is they came to this.