Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Lost Language of Love

Posted: October 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

This is not a poem this lyrical essay
for a song you supply the music in your head
it’s the only way I can speak to you the only way I know
though once I tried to act it out for you
pantomime my emotions dramatize my truth.

I became characters assumed different roles
sang and danced juggled on a high wire
dying to entertain you I could see I was losing you
lost you the moment I placed you in the audience
you wanted passion I gave you a performance.

I spoke from the page but not the heart
my script became unreadable
the proscenium crumbled beneath me
on my back on the broken boards
I craned my neck to see if you were watching.

Only glimpsed your silhouetted form
fading through a door marked exit
left with no lines to recite
and no one to hear them
I rose to write again in the lost language of love.

Phantom Lover

Posted: September 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

His features were soft and formless
he was permeable
it was easy to pour love into him.
The closer you came to him
the more formless his features appeared.

There was a gravitational pull of the heart
love seeming a natural and irresistible reaction.
My face resting on a frown
could not help but smile
my arms hanging at my side as if weighted

could but rise in embrace.
He was open and easy
and that made him seem stranger.
I felt I had known him my entire life.
He subsumed my cares in laughter

he eased my fears
simply being in the room near me.
I wanted to remain there with him
but day was summoning
like a call to arms

and my eyes slowly opening.
Sleep was ending.
With regret and a sense of loss
I knew it was time to rise
up again into myself.

I Opt Out

Posted: September 20, 2018 in Uncategorized

Reformatted for our protection?
Just show us your content uncensored
we will sit on our fat asses remote in hand
pushing buttons passing judgment.

Lean into next door dot com doing for communities
what social media has done for friends and family
discussion can become fractious
I opt out it’s a knack.

Deftly balancing ignorance and apathy
trick is to appear guileless and untroubled
bliss is the best revenge
if handled correctly consequences are unilateral.

Self-harm for the sake of selflessness
if I am here now I cannot be there then
in the spaces I no longer inhabit
I find freedom when I unplug and exit.

Need for Laughter

Posted: September 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

Is it manic
this need for laughter?
It’s how I understand
we are honestly together
in the same place

at the same time.
It’s the closest to oneness
we ever seem to come
barring physical intimacy
which is not always called for

or desirable
often inappropriate.
Sometimes
I look into your eyes
I can see no laughter.

If I cannot see laughter
I feel hopelessness
wariness
weariness.
It is to laugh

or else we cry.
When we laugh
we laugh together.
When we cry
we cry alone.

Are flowers that spring from black earth
fertilized by corpses of murdered gay people
more colorful more elegant brighter and vivid
does soil nourished by blood of martyrs bear sweeter fruit?

We sacrifice to a hungry God hopeful He will not devour us
kill in the name of love because we are righteous
bound to uphold the will of a virtuous idea
with God on our brains and fear in our hearts we can do no wrong.

Hear our song battle hymn of the republic for which we stand
a caliphate of hate a shining jewel-encrusted city upon seven hills
a peoples’ paradise where glorious green gardens are well tended
the soil saturated with rich decay of fresh skeletons.

 

Numbers Don’t Lie

Posted: September 8, 2018 in Uncategorized

We are a sublime combination of mathematics and art
only if a counterclockwise motion does not make you queasy.

Intellectually speaking it’s a simple concept
your mind it refuses to grasp resist science at your peril.

Numbers don’t lie we lie together and to each other
our bodies cut an elegant angle.

Our embrace defines an exquisite alignment
anatomy and geometry in motion.

We come together in an intersection
brain and body pleasure and principle pushing and pulling.

If we peer into one another’s eyes we can share the same data
but I can only show you truth with my heart.

The Howling

Posted: September 1, 2018 in Uncategorized

I’m just trying to make a point
about biology and gender and behavior
excuse me for having an original thought
don’t mistake this for madness.

You always want to make it about me
i’m just an example a representative
i’m typical like that
like what you see is what you are.

Maybe some unique features
devil maybe in the details
but a contract is a contract
we are what we agreed to be.

I’m just trying to explain
best i can offer analysis
do what you will did my part
made my report left a record of sorts.

One biography
pretty much like any other
if you believe in confession
it’s your own guilt telling you a story.

About how they cast stones lit pyres
more useless acts of self-immolation
what difference did difference make
howling of a frustrated stutterer.

He could not make himself understood
fast enough to extinguish torches
calm village ire friend and lover alike
seems in the end i failed you all.

Life Is a Busy Affair

Posted: August 30, 2018 in Uncategorized

Life is a busy affair
a three-ring kaleidoscope
of chance circumstance and consciousness
a particle accelerator of possibilities.

We forget to breathe
agape to one degree or another
we can either distract ourselves
or settle in by the hearth
hope dark angels pass over us.

That one rose-patterned china cup
a tiny chip on its rim – it keeps us sane
we clutch and sip and pass the time
chatting familiarly amongst ourselves.

The good sun
turns lace curtains into dark webbing
a clue we are trapped here.

We prey upon one another only because
it has been sanctioned by kinship
it’s a risk too to step outside.

Enclosed spaces compress each hour
rooms we inhabit may be vast machines
that feel cozy only on the inside.

In truth they encompass complex clockworks
spinning gears and swinging pendula.
Without walls the experiment seems doomed to fail

even as the mechanism continues to grind
a mill producing a surplus of excess
bulk without nourishment.

Those of us who feed from this trough
are forced to find true sustenance
and so we go out into the fields with plow shears.

Laugh Clown Laugh

Posted: August 24, 2018 in Uncategorized

Breathe easy boys
comic relief is here
to hustle away the pain
you’ll laugh till you cry
sweet irony the clown’s truest trick
facsimile tears of laughter
stenciled in place of real ones long shed.

Dusty tracks trailing
from an empty reservoir
forget the silly costume
look at my happy face
the eyes have it too
like sharp needles puncture pomposity
brightly colored balloons bursting in air.

Satire is the sincerest form of evisceration
there’s no other way for me
to face showing you the truth
so I do a little dance in floppy shoes
sing a silly song of nonsense lyrics
forget everything I ever did
just remember you laughed till it hurt.

The First Spark

Posted: August 12, 2018 in Uncategorized

Yeah yeah we get it we just don’t care
astonished by the lack of comprehension
fundamentally it’s a problem of awareness
I cannot look into your eyes without revealing myself.

The world behind those eyes can be a fearful place
a dark chasm into which I have tossed love
and fear tears and laughter and all manner of regard
mere fuel for the fire that lights your eyes.

I sparked the first flame when I planted myself in your gaze
thinking if there is to be light we must build this blaze together
better to see one another with more clarity and detail
take my hand show me how we can do this in the dark.

Patterns

Posted: August 9, 2018 in Uncategorized

I was thinking about patterns
when I took a break from my devices
scientific ways to detect a quantum of truth
demonstrable theorems replicable results
such methods are reassuring.

The fundamental need
to understand ourselves
groping in darkness
dimly lit by glowing solar winds –
stardust!

This is how we apprehend our limitations
this is how we learn to come back for more
how we make ourselves comfortable
inside the hollows we have excavated in our hearts
resting assured the mind is a wonderful thing.

Kind of Funny

Posted: August 6, 2018 in Uncategorized

I’m in a funny place
don’t want to go out
don’t want to pick up
the food on my plate holds no appeal
other appetites too recede.

Go through the motions
like currents in the ocean
to and fro with the flow
muster a friendly nod
a baseline signifier of peaceful intent
I do not care to harm
as I do not care to care.

Day by day my body betrays me in small ways
the knives in this house are dull
I see things that aren’t there
overlook what is not funny
not funny ha ha I mean.

Unless you can laugh at grace
pratfalling on its face
dropping subjects
now where did I put my dignity?

All that rage against the machine
collapses back on my head
shoots steam coalescing
like a wet hot embrace
from a familiar stranger
a raving street messiah
his forewarnings unheeded.

I mean who has time for that
it’s kind of funny
if you think about it that way
not funny ha ha I mean.

When I Am Myself

Posted: August 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

When I am myself I am a well
I am sun and warmth light and comfort
when I am myself.

When I am not myself I fall through or rise above
I panic or I understand
I stumble or I soar.

When I am myself I bring laughter and strength
I am comfort and courage
when I am not myself I fail or I transcend.

I can then absolve and abandon
delete erase and subtract myself
once and for all once again.

Castaway

Posted: July 31, 2018 in Uncategorized

My solitude is the price I pay
for withholding
your absence absolves me.
My caring dissolves like dew
on cold stone of your indifference.

Now gray sand and brown pebbles
grate between my toes.
I walk a lonely shore
a castaway scanning far horizons.

Any approaching vessel
can bring rescue
or invasion.

The Pity Pig

Posted: July 29, 2018 in Uncategorized

The pity pig wallows in it then I make myself laugh.
I do this all the time is it a sign of insanity mania
an echo of hilarity ringing in a haunted belfry?
But then all the Gothic goo burns up in a flash
melting wax oozes away from reason’s bright flame.

In this context self-recognition is in itself humorous
when we laugh at ourselves we prove ourselves sane.
Standing before the mirror all Oscar Wilde and witticisms
snark caught in silver glass silken smooth yet brittle
too clever too but funny nonetheless.

Such
costume artifice
has no place
in
a barnyard.

She Is Not Risen

Posted: July 25, 2018 in Uncategorized

She demanded love
used it like a crutch
to prop herself up.

Much of my anxiety
vanished in smoke
cremated along with her corpse
nothing to fear from the dear departed.

Now she sends phantoms
from beyond the grave
specters I myself must summon
out of my own mind.

Don’t give it a thought
don’t get caught
singing arias amid tombstones
having whistled away the fear.

Though she comes in many guises
I’d know that face anywhere
I see her in the mirror often enough.

No recognition without repetition
the muck stops here.

Hephaestus Hobbled

Posted: July 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

I am a Vulcan by temperament
my home planet long lost
I am hobbled by its destruction.

A tragedy from birth my steps are halting
headway is slow but my way is steady
the distance narrowed only with great effort.

Certain feats are beyond me
yet odds are overcome
my gait is unimpressive.

No one records my progress
no one sings my praises I am unfabled
legends like eagles soar beyond my reach.

Mine is an old story told in a knowing glance
a rueful grimace a half smile
regret telegraphed in the set of my jaw.

Recognition elicits discomfort
none seek to emulate my form
though all must walk this path.

Sentimental to A Fault

Posted: July 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

All the ones I’ve loved and failed to love
the ones I’ve hurt the ones I’ve let down
the ones I’ve left behind –
I am so heartily sorry.

Unloved child
unlovable adult –
teaching the children well.

I made my way no need for tears
did what I had to my way just like a cliché
it sure seemed real to me then –
those who clear a path walk it.

The habits we inculcate become character
in solitude there is no need for explanation –
soon enough you slip out unnoticed.

I would have stayed but few asked
and some who did remained behind in other rooms
where mirrors showed things the other way around –
it appeared someone was always walking out either way.

Jack of Hearts

Posted: July 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

He deploys deception strategically
a purely defensive measure
knows truth is an Achilles heel.

Place your heart in the hands of others
find out fast how cruel or careless they are.

Different motives same result
pain like an arrow in my chest
avert your gaze stop hurting me!

Jack of Hearts was here all along
hiding behind the Joker.

I Have Regrets

Posted: July 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

I have regrets but I no longer entertain them
still they come knocking at the door begging for attention.

The greatest gift of all basic mammal empathy
how I know you without thinking about it.

A boy shields his eyes from the light of the rising sun
who taught him to do that?

We learn as we go picking up pain along the way
the longer you hold it the deeper the scar.

I have set these things aside they have no hold on me
nor can I regret the harm love has caused.

A Good Boy

Posted: July 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

I’m drawn to complicated women
perhaps because my mother was crazy
incestuous implications
a fast track to rejection.

You don’t need to say no bro
you only need to lie low
you know what you’re feeling is right
no doubt you should run.

Run right into flames
a martyr to maternal malevolence
breaking patterns breaking hearts
it’s for the good of everyone
above all my mental health needed saving.

I loved you not well but thoroughly
thoughtfully I could not let you go
lies strewn around me like a garland of roses
I didn’t mind the thorns
I wore them as a crown for your amusement.

If I’m lucky they will pierce my brain
prod me to remember how I got here
no wonder so many call out for their mothers
when they are dying.

Perhaps she appears wreathed in shining light
an angel of mercy sent to relieve your suffering at long last
with spectral mother’s milk to kindly cloud clarity.

A false miracle to help you favor fantasy over fact
before you remember to turn out the light
a good boy always says goodnight.

Black and White World

Posted: July 5, 2018 in Uncategorized

Duty call booty call we go where we want to be needed
our message is like a bullet through thick gray fog
we shed no tears keep our powder dry.

In the sky above a wounded eagle rolls over in flight
we pledge allegiance to how we want things to be
our banners cast shadows over those who do not stand.

Clarity of vision pierces sentiment easy to do what is hard
we seize the present moment to steal the future
passion has no patience for dissent in a black and white world.

Absent the Smile

Posted: July 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

Take care watch yourself
mind where you step.

A greeting a warning not a parting shot
absent the smile I mean you only good.

               Most harm I generated was self-inflicted
               not to say I didn’t do my share of damage.

The serious minded are no fun to be around
I miss my popularity.

There is no criticism in my quiet
no censure in my silence.

               My failure to share calm was a source of disruption
               I was dancing in the eye of my own hurricane.

If I could hold back the clouds
I would allow the sun to pour down upon your head.

Stratagem

Posted: June 29, 2018 in Uncategorized

I never bought your professed ignorance
a dodge to retain control through criticism
and both macro- and micro-management
an unbecoming two-fisted approach

if I may say.

Such a stratagem demands the last word
so always you shield yourself with mirrors
you can bear no scrutiny
come at me look at yourself

now what have you got to say?

Doesn’t
mean
I’m
wrong.

Karmic Epiphany

Posted: June 27, 2018 in Uncategorized

I had a karmic epiphany
I was overwhelmed with love and understanding.

I loved you not for what you tried to do but for your failings
no need for forgiveness.

Lovers friends parents all too human all caught in a web
silken silver ties that bind us within an unbroken circle.

I was given consideration and I suffered collateral injury
there was no harm intended and the damage done is history.

Stop Remembering

Posted: June 24, 2018 in Uncategorized

All roads lead back to the past
flocking to an uninspiring savior
drawn most to the thing that most frightens.

No more will than a moth spiraling into the light
memory is a lure we’re all Kafka trapped in a roach motel
stuck to our own regrets and ruminations.

It’s all in our heads so we lop them off
a temporary fix death being a long-term investment
still every exit leads someplace.

Anyway no place is just someplace else
so there you are dead probably not loving it
trying to figure out where you went so wrong.

Funny how things turn out but only god is laughing
it’s enough to drive the righteous to extremes
curses flung by mortals rain back down upon our heads.

It’s the universe cracking our skulls with gravity
trying to rub some enlightenment into tough meat
headaches are nature’s way of telling you to stop remembering.

Half-Truths

Posted: June 21, 2018 in Uncategorized

I don’t owe anyone anything
including the truth.

You made your life impenetrable to me
I was prudent and reckless by turn.

Warm heart cold shoulder
tough balancing act.

Every half-truth
part of a bigger picture.

Truth is the end of itself
and may reveal nothing.

I may not tell you everything
but that tells you something.

Leave Me Be

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

Leave me be i’ll get there or I won’t
like some kind of sexy beast
lithely limning the motions.

Stop being my hell
other people can’t live with them
we bring out the killer in each other.

But mostly we hug
the choice to hug or to kill
a path taken six billion times a day.

We think this an enviable record
having become indifferent to love and suffering
living life in the neutral zone.

Plato’s ideal great for the mind
but i cannot abide the pain
otherwise i’d do more.

Leave me be
the way
i am.

Nothing To Fear

Posted: June 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

Feet up head back six decades on let it come
one part exhaustion one part resignation a dash of resistance
when the vehicle breaks down get out and walk.

Or maybe you need a wheelchair to roll
another man invented it maybe it’s the best you’ve got
on your last leg crutches work too.

Until finally you stop walking altogether anyway
look down at your feet look up at the sky cry or laugh
if you’re still angry you may curse God demand explanations.

It’ll get you nowhere fast about as far as a dying echo fading
and if you are still suffering you can be resentful
and if the pain isn’t too bad you can be thankful,

remembering how once
you thought
there was nothing to fear.

Am I Dreaming?

Posted: June 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

When you’re hard on yourself
you become harder on others
the art of listening
being key to seduction.

Every time I need you
you’re not there
I could not make myself
happy alone.

No life of the mind
without putting your heart into it
I’m only content when I know
I can get what I want.

I dreamed up these rewards
to keep myself from waking
these pleasant trances
sustain me…

…a blueprint for the architecture
of this lustrous illusion
such intelligent design
proves I only think

…I am dreaming.

Truth and Dust

Posted: June 8, 2018 in Uncategorized

She’s always seeking new answers to old questions – she seeks afar.
Categorized and cataloged neatly on her shelves
the answers are at hand concealed beneath a shroud of dust
close to home much closer than she knows as close as a heart to a mind
the precise distance a line traced by tears descended to the border of her smile.

Her face is a treasure map
lovingly etched with careworn creases her latitude and longitude
clues to an uncharted realm where her archive is buried deep.
If we keep digging we may unearth her truth.
Four hands on one shovel make slow work or fast.

Reality Check

Posted: June 5, 2018 in Uncategorized

Better a late reality check than never
this need to need people
only a heel would reveal Achilles’ weakness
but truth is a cold bath indeed
no shrinkage of the soul for those coming clean.

No patience for those too self-absorbed to take a hint
I’ve taken my share
I cannot get through to you
I spelled it out for you ten thousand times
‘nuff said lesson learned.

Still I fill every blank space with words
I think they matter
no point in talking
speech won’t serve
words are not my friend.

Judas Was a Fall Guy

Posted: May 30, 2018 in Uncategorized

I no longer think I’m a good person
I’ve caused no real harm
but nor have I done any lasting good.

There’s nothing you could point to
nothing wrong that I don’t already know
I have analyzed myself exhaustively.

Self-awareness by way of self-involvement
the narcissists path to mindfulness
Jesus was a good guy Judas was a fall guy.

Mohammed ascended into malicious myth
Yahweh went thataway
Buddha said nothing.

I am a monkey man jabbering to myself
in the end at least I was relatively harmless
it could have been so much worse.

Depths of Delusion

Posted: May 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

We live within the depths of a delusion
keep it simple stupid I’m embarrassed
all those unguarded moments.

Nothing so vulnerable as a trusting heart
might as well take a knife to it yourself
saves time in the long run simpler really.

But that’s no way out
even precise language artfully deployed
gets you only so far.

If it helps you understand
you’re that much worse off.

Every time you show yourself
you’re taking a chance
every time you come up for air.

Friend or foe you don’t know
could be birds of prey hovering up there.

You can try for truth or spin the illusion
a little faster.

You may churn up something authentic
or just make a bigger splash
before you sink.

No One Embraces a Phantom

Posted: May 26, 2018 in Uncategorized

This is the life I wanted this is the life I worked for
I have pleasures at hand friends on the wire.

I keep good company give as good as I get
here and there try to shine a light.

The lantern glass frost-rimed and dimmed
cracks when cleaved by occasional lightening.

So bright even I can see through scaly eyes
surely others share this same sight.

But I am only a shadow in the glow I cast
and no one embraces a phantom.