Poet13's Blog

I know we don’t reveal much of ourselves to one another.

We contact awkwardly with downcast glances and knowing laughter.

We reach silent agreements

unspoken contracts to honor our independence.

When we come together we share only our bodies

giving completely to satisfy the body appetites

fill in the empty places

for a time.

If we meet in the streets we touch formally

to verify the fact of our existence

in light of day.

Shyly we converse in current events

passing time between us

until we can go our separate ways again.

If I tried to speak to you

to reach through the invisible wall

I would say

I am here.

This is me.

And what we have is something after all

in a world like ours.

basking in the shadow of indifferent boys

who get up get dressed and walk out

making conversation by themselves

no goodbyes is the best goodbye

keep it simple keep it quick just keep it coming

it was hot while it lasted but we go where the fire goes

walking away from the walking wounded

children of the night make their way through darkness

seeking the comfort of something else

we are an army

the city we sack is afire with possibilities

every now and then one takes our breath away

lack of oxygen does a brain good

shrinks the capacity for too many thoughts

sends reason scavenging in the sub-basement

no vision no problem

you can feel your way through the shadows

the blind always find their way home in the dark

She wants reasoned explanations for involuntary mechanisms.

I can’t tell her why I sometimes prefer solitude to company

any more than I can explain my craving for chocolate.

I tell her anxiety is just a fancy form of fear

like panic dressed up for a picnic.

I tell her the higher you go the further away you travel from your center

and every breath you take takes you closer to the heart of your matter

so much living leaves so little life

the strife leaves you stricken and exhausted

you’re surrounded by the cure.

I tell her it’s a long story

and an old one.

She tells me short stories are best.

  to own your indifference

            the hurt felt the hurt inflicted

            it never hurts to be ahead of the game

            unless the game was cancelled

this is how i reach out

this is how i choose to express myself

random thoughts of you and this process of analysis and recognition

taking it as it comes giving back the best i can

it’s the least i can do

            that’s how it goes in a drive by world

            that’s the tyranny of mathematics in motion

            how movement itself must crush something

            damage and debris the direct effect

            these are the principles of human suffering

            proof positive the mind is a terrible thing

            gloved or ungloved the hand is a clumsy instrument

            grasping the obvious requires a finer tool

            only when the machine breaks down is the process finished

in the quiet after the work is done the real day begins

rat in a maze burning on empty

strung out on the bar

pressing pressing pressing

Oh God of Rodents give us this day

our daily pleasure

keep the pain away

show me the way

beyond this maze

my world of days

Oh God of Rodents how did i get here

they shoved a wire into my brain

now i feel no pain

pressing pressing

Oh Holy Father Rat oh blast of cold jeweled jism oozing from stigmatic paws

Oh God of my fur thy scepter’s light is burning

i am anointed amid this hard confusion

sharp edges define my vision

pressing

i suck quick ecstasy shooting divine fire through my twitching paleness

i writhe for thee my warm fluid life I offer thee

to cleanse the floors where I lay me down to sleep

safe in my mechanical keep

kept by my Lord of Rodents

The methods we devise the measures we take

To try and control the chaos through which we swim

Our ways and means desert us eventually they will convert us

Not me brother I am a lonely werewolf calling in the wild

Naked on the frozen plane I bare my chest beat my breast

Howling at God

The only mercy we know is what we ourselves devise

Parceled out among us each according to his need

Leavened with equal measures love cruelty and indifference

And sure some of us are good some of the time

Thank God for that and curse man for the rest

Wisdom teaches our suffering is our fault

God is blameless take it on faith

Who am I to argue with wise men

They interpret scripture I take it as gospel

The truth according to them glitters before my porcine eyes

I am a werewolf in pigs clothing

Howling at God

After the eleventh hour midnight dawns

The lonely night’s cold embrace sends shivers through our chakras

Wilting bliss beneath gales of doubt

Exiles from Eden wanderers in the wilderness

We gather in packs surviving on flesh and blood

Give thanks for the blessings we take

trapdoor spider to fly:

welcome to the love nest

make yourself at home sweet home

biology has stricken me dumb

shut down my means of escape

no way to get away

no where to go where

the lonely night can’t find me

waxing lyrical against the wall

up against the glass

cracked up against the glass

a real neurotic blast

atomic fallout from the past

leaves me aghast

gasping for want of love

radioactive mutant crawls out from down under the smother mother

maternal Kali standing guard at the gate

Goddess of Terror

innocence on the altar

dagger of fear plunged through the heart

withdraw it

pull it out

reach out

out from down under the smother mother

radioactive fly to trapdoor spider:

take a bite do your bit

my genes are split

i can’t feel your teeth anymore

blue jazz friday night

left eye twitching to the soft driving beat

air so still i feel its caress

my soul on a roll

come to a stop so the knots untangle

white smoke entwined in amber light bathes the room

flutes tickle my ear

birds of paradise singing sweet songs of repose

precise colors plucked like musical notes on a painted piano

dabs of current buzzing beneath the surface

keeps the mood humming

breathing with purpose

i stretch against my skin

a fluttering moth flitters by

staggering through the air with erratic purpose

trailing elegant chaos and blurry gray specs

bioluminescent baubles floating in ether

like motes drifting inside my eye

high humidity fattens the sticky air

slow fluid like a river of fog

keeps the melody flowing

breathing to the rhythm

i swim on through to you