in the throes of an agoraphobic fit
a housebound hissy
trapped alone with my anxiety
the thing that compels me to put up a false front
the engine that drives my edgy agitation
it diffuses and removes me
phases me in and out of the picture
holds me prisoner locked inside the charming façade
keeping the creature alive
manufacturing the monster requires massive jolts of energy
the bolts in my neck also keep my head from flying off
i screw them down tight as electricity explodes in fiery fractured flashes
the furious spurious frissons forced from living tissue
straining to replicate behavior of others
lurching elegantly i stumble with grace fall on my face
the pleasing form transformed
the transparent visage reflecting rather than emitting
i manipulate musculature
i smile look interested or sympathetic
i feign understanding
i pretend to be human as best i can
so they will say of me
it’s alive!
i yearn to learn to explain myself
to them
so I can say
i did not start this i cannot stop it
you see
although it is within reach
i cannot turn off the machine with these flailing arms
Poet13's Blog 