The more you have the more you have to lose nothing there to begin with nothing left to lose nothing from nothing you can’t count on what you can’t control it’s a unilateral world it’s all beyond control hence hell is other people that’s what the French philosopher said I say existential heaven is a solitary state of mind a chemical illusion flesh flushed with endorphins I can speak to that although I died in a room full of people I was absolutely alone I became consciousness in motion moving (it seemed to me) up up and away toward something … else into a pregnant void a benign sentient darkness the entire spectrum of light and color subsumed no heat no cold but warmth something was there for sure next time I’ll find out what it was if they don’t snatch me back again.