Poet13's Blog

in the throes of an agoraphobic fit

            a housebound hissy

trapped alone with my anxiety

                        the thing that compels me to put up a false front

                                    the engine that drives my edgy agitation

 

it diffuses and removes me

             phases me in and out of the picture

holds me prisoner locked inside the charming façade

          keeping the creature alive

                       

manufacturing the monster requires massive jolts of energy

            the bolts in my neck also keep my head from flying off

i screw them down tight as electricity explodes in fiery fractured flashes  

            the furious spurious frissons forced from living tissue

                           straining to replicate the behavior of others

 

lurching elegantly i stumble with grace fall on my face

            the pleasing form transformed

                        the transparent visage reflecting rather than emitting

 

i manipulate musculature

i smile look interested or sympathetic

i feign understanding          

            i pretend to be human as best i can

                        so they will say of me

                                    it’s alive!

 

i yearn to learn to explain myself

            to them

so I can say

            i did not start this i cannot stop it

 

                        you see

            although it is within reach

            i cannot turn off the machine with these flailing arms